Three months ago, that’s just what I would have believed, but never really thought possible. It was that next week, when things started getting even crazier and totally shifted out of control.
A groggy-grey sky lit up the bedroom of my apartment; I toss and turn in my white cotton-sheets as Bruce begins to yawn and groan for the morning ahead.
“I feel your pain…” I moaned, cracking my spine all the way up to my neck. I stretched my last piece of tired away, and the two of us trotted into the kitchen. Quickly pouring my massive dog a bowl of kibble, and myself some frosted flakes, we sat down by the window and enjoyed the news blaring from the living room television. Still, I grumbled as we slurped the cereal down, trying to plan what I was going to do with the rest of today.
Let's trace back: I have no job, no school, I’m low on cash and in desperate need to pay the bills. On top of that, my landlord is getting impatient for my rent, and he’s charging me for “going out of his way” to take care of Bruce while I was at college. “This just isn’t my week,” I sighed, while a concerned pair of Black eyes rested on the table to stare at me. Bruce was always a good dog, he knew when a person could use a little compassion, and in a way, I believed he was smarter than I was, but never let him catch on to that theory (dominance of the apartment and all...) Suddenly, he started to growl and then let out a series of ear-popping howls that echoed throughout my apartment.
BARK! BARK! BARK!
“Bruce shut it! What do you see boy?” I asked, starring out the window, and patting his head, “The Feildmens’ fighting again?”
I didn’t see a solitary thing, out of the ordinary. Just clotheslines, the apartment across the alley, a few drug dealers below, and the busy bridge lined with heavy traffic---Not a bird or a stray cat in sight, what was with this screwy mutt? Normally a fight or a teasing animal could set him off, but Bruce knew better than to bark at just nothing.
I sat back down, but the crazy canine bellowed with all of his might towards the glass. His glare transfixed on only the window in the house. I got up and pulled on his chain-linked collar, to get him into the living room, while he growled and snarled for the kitchen table. It took all of my strength to drag him out, but he merely jumped to free himself of me and took a step back towards the source.
“What’s the matter with you?” I scoffed, “If you don’t shut your yap Mister Landlord’s gonna waltz his merry way up those stairs, and evict me! That means you’re back on the streets Dumbo.”
GRRR! BARK! BARK!
He quickly shot around, and tackled me into the floor, also anchoring all of his weight against my chest to the near point I couldn’t breathe anymore. Bruce pinned my arms behind my back, and kept me down in complete and utter silence. Just when I was about to lose my cool, the glass from the kitchen window imploded, scattering shards all over the shaking house! Bruce was ecstatic and jumped off of me, frothing at the mouth towards the kitchen again. I ran behind the couch, and pulled out a metal bat, gripping it against my sweating hands until my knuckles locked and turned white.
I snuck slowly around the doorway, watching my dog stand firmly in his place. All the while, I was listening intently for a target to pulverize! I jumped around the corner and stood my ground, only to see the shattered window and the empty nothingness outside the glassless pane. I lowered the bat ever so slightly and looked around harshly, making a loud racket searching for this robber or whatever it was.
Why would a dude climb five stories in a ghetto neighborhood to steal from me? I don’t even have anything valuable---Just all my crappy artwork, but no man in his right mind would risk life in prison to take that junk? No…Something wasn’t right here. Stroking Bruce’s back, I held a silent finger to my lips, as I tiptoed along the crunching glass to pear out the window. Must have been a bunch of lousy kids throwing rocks! Boy, were they ever going to get a piece of my mind!
I stuck my head out the hole in my wall, and bellowed, “You kids are gonna pay for this!” However, there wasn’t a soul in the alley, nor across the street---Nothing? I slowly pulled inside, as Bruce’s barking mysteriously subsided. I also released my death-grip on the bat and turned around only to be caught off guard by a pair of piercing blue eyes and the smell of rotting sewage. This figure draped in black stepped backwards, jumping over my dog who was laying dead-still on the kitchen floor. I tried to grip the bat, but it seemed to fall out of my numb hand, as the world started to spin and blur around me. I fell to my knees, and looked up at the burglar, who let out a sultry, devious laugh before I lost my senses and passed out against the sharp, slitting shards of glass that make up my apartment room floor.
The silence and darkness that eluded me soon faded as all feeling painfully drained back into my body. It felt like I just got hit by a bus after drowning myself in about twenty-seven gallons of beer!
“He’s coming to,” a low man’s voice stated.
I was immediately blinded by a giant white light floating a little too closely above me, meanwhile, hearing only an annoying buzz that shook my eardrums. Somehow or another, I was tied to a soft leather chair, reclined so far back, that I felt like an executioner on “The Rack”. My sight eventually came crawling in last, where I made out two black figures hovering impatiently over me---watching, as if I were a slab of meat in a lion’s den.
Without realizing it, I started to hyperventilate, and my eyes searched around the massive room for something familiar to give me a sense of stability. All I saw were slate grey walls and hundreds of scientists or doctors of some sort just tinkering with their own table of experiments. It was all very vivid now, and the clatter of tools and objects were extremely audible and happening all around the middle of the warehouse where I had been abducted!
“He’s going into shock,” that same mysterious man scoffed, “How much of that gas did you hit him with Karev?”
“The precise amount,” a voluptuous woman’s voice sternly replied, “It wasn’t enough to kill him or his pet Chihuahua.”
“Great Dane…” I grumbled, stretching my muscles around sorely, “Where am I? Who are you? What do you want?”
“The most common questions I hear before I kill a man,” The male figure laughed in a thunderous roar.
I only stared blankly as he reached for a large lever that shut the burning lamp off. I could see the two sickos clearly now. The man was a large, burly guy pitch as the night, with a fuzz of black hair flatly a top his head bearing a horizontal pattern of rows shaved evenly into it. He glared at me with stone, soulless eyes of coal and a thick line for a mouth. He was dressed in a sandy colored tank top, camo pants, and black combat boots that made him look all the stronger, but when I noticed his golden earring brightly standing out on his dark face, it made me feel a little better because now he just reminded me of “Mr. T”.
The other vulture, turned out to be a woman! A HOT woman! She was dressed in all black like a spy, with lush burgundy hair flowing down her back. Her skin was probably as pale as mine was at the moment, but it glowed like a candle flame thanks to her exotic blue eyes.
“You’re the one who kidnapped me!” I bellowed, secretly to avoid drooling over the sexy villainess.
“Give the man a medal!” she clapped, rolling those eyes at me, “When can we untie Shaw and finally shut him up?”
“Soon as the boss gets here Karev,” Mr. T smiled, “Chill-out, the man’s been sleeping cold for the past three hours; you act like he was chatting up your cell phone!”
“Why am I here!?” I demanded forcefully, trying to wriggle free of my shackles.
The chair flung forward and I found myself looking the temptress woman face to face. She had her arm propped next to my head and wrinkled her nose at me in disgust.
“You just try and keep quiet little man, and maybe just maybe you’ll stay alive long enough to hit puberty.”
“Brrr!” I shivered, “Someone call the coast guard, I think my ship just struck an iceberg.”
Mr. T bursted out with laughter until the cruel vixen shot him a spiteful glare. Just after, a short man in a pin-stripe suit suddenly walked in, and the woman yanked her head away from me spitefully, but smacked on a shield of polite attitude towards this man---he must be her boss?
“Mister Sedrick Shaw,” He smiled with arms outspread in a kind-hugging manor, “Welcome to Base 22.”
“Base---?” I began, but then frowned and replied, “How do you know who I am?”
“Oh, we know everything about you Rick,” He smiled warmly, fiddling with his thin Gone with the Wind moustache… “Agent Payne, unbind him.”
“Sir?” Mr. T questioned, “you sure he ain’t gonna run as soon as we let-um’ go?”
“I won’t,” I pleaded with my hands shaking beside my hips in reassurance, “Just get me out of this barbershop chair!”
The one named Payne, came and snapped my chains with his bare hands, then set me on my feet as if I didn’t weigh a pound.
“Agent Karev, Agent Payne,” Boss Man said, with his back turned to me, “I trust you can show Mr. Rick here around while I gather his paperwork and fill out a testimony for---”
“Sir,” An annoyed Karev interrupted, “He ran away.”
“The little man,” Payne pointed, “He’s sort of escaping---and in a terrified girly-scream sort of way---”
“Deacon, please,” Karev stopped, “---Sir may we pursue?”
“Sure..Go ahead?” he shrugged, as he lit up a thick cigar between his teeth.
So...I’m running for my natural born life, passing thousands of starring eyes as I do. These freaks were each doing their own sadistic chemistry experiments as I ran by. I saw freaky plants that were trying to eat its scientists; a large mutated animal that was indescribable and ugly; but the worst part was the team of scattered, oozing creatures that---No weren’t the experiments, but the ones wearing the white coats!
“Stop Shaw!” Karev bellowed behind me, her and Payne rushing closer. How are they so fast? Karev okay… But PAYNE?—He’s like a three-thousand pound Incredible Hulk from the hood who runs like a cheetah! Agent Karev pulled off her belt and clicked the buttons together until it formed a sturdy black whip. Payne grabbed a bazooka-type gun right off his back, and they both drew fire.
“They’re shooting at me!? Really!?--- Okay Rick… You’re in a hostile secret spy warehouse---Where would you keep the weapons?” I thought, before changing my course, “Nah, I’m just gonna wreck stuff until I find the exit.”
I pushed past a blue and green striped E.T. and flipped his white-sheeted experiment, spewing fluids all over the room; successfully, the two agents fell into my trap, and slipped across the floor and into the extraterrestrial professor.
“AGH!” the woman groaned in disgust, “SHAW!”
“This was my favorite pair of pants!” Payne growled. He stood up and aimed the gun right for me, twisting the lens a few times for some unknown reason.
“No Deacon, we can’t kill him, no matter how easily we could.”
“Not gonna kill him,” He smiled deviously, starring through the scope, and pulling the trigger.
I heard the sound-breaking pop, making the mistake of turning around to look. A flailing net made of barbed wire flew for me at a speed greatly outmatching my own. When I felt all hope for me was lost, my body had different plans, for it somehow launched itself seven feet spinning into the air. I landed on my knees and froze as the chain net skid into the wall beside the EXIT. Karev and Payne also halted and awed bewildered by my unconscious reflex. A loud clap beside my ears brought me to flinch, as I noticed the boss smiling down at me through the smoke of his cigar.
“Shaw, if you want to know how you just did that,” he motioned towards the net and destruction, “You’ll stay here and hear what I have to say. But, if you want to return to that pitiful existence you called a life, well, then there’s the door.”
I studied over myself in wonder and thought about it through gasping breaths of adrenalin...I had my answer alright.
“Bring me my dog--- Then we’ll talk.”